Stage 1 denial-This isnt a new butt. It is the same awesome butt I had the day I got married.
Stage 2 shock-Well, its technically the same butt, but for some reason it doesnt fit into the pants I wore last year-before I got pregnant. But there's no way my butt could be so drastically altered by having a baby. Could it? OMG!!
Stage 3 anger-Fine. Its not the same butt. It has curves and divots and new places that sweat. It follows me wherever I go. Stupid, annoying butt and its stupid annoying cellulite! Is it possible to get a restraining order to prevent it from stalking me?!
Stage 4 depression-No dice. It turns out I cant get a restraining order against my own body. And if I inquire about it people laugh at me. And that makes me cry. As do the elastic-waist pants I just bought, even though Iam 4 months post partum. Those lying liars who said "nine months on, nine months off" must have gotten to keep their original cute butt.
Stage 5 guilt-Iam a grown woman. I have a degree. I know that women should be-and are-more than just hot bodies. I know objectification is cruel. I have read the magazine articles that tell me how awesome I am. I CREATED life. And yet...this butt...IT WONT GO AWAY...amongst many other things.
Stage 6 fear-I probably have Flesh Expanding Butt Disease. Its very rare, but if I get FEBD my butt will eventually consume my entire body, preventing me from leading a normal life. There is no cure for this horrible ailment. Best to just go buy a bunch of sweatpants ;)
Stage 7 acceptance-Right. So it isnt that bad, really. My new butt does come with some nice features. Its easier to close the car door now. My kids have something to hang on when Iam at the grocery store. And my husband likes it. A lot. In fact, my new butt is kind of growing on me.
article by Kari Anne Roy
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